Welcome to the first post of the new year, Everyone. This year has been all about innovation for me. I've started using a schedule, made a list of goals and priorities to accomplish, and I've been getting a lot more done. To the point where I've been more productive now than in the last three years combined. My emotional health has improved greatly as well, to the point where I can say that I'm more joyful than I've been in years. So naturally, one has to wonder what changed. Do I have a deadline to beat? Did I find some kind of secret formula for productivity?
Not quite. I've simply gained a new appreciation for the life I now live now that God helped me conquer my worthlessness. And that lifted up everything else. This experience I had can be summarized by the song Through Your Eyes by artist Britt Nicole.
Get it together! That's what I say to me. I put on the pressure. You could do better! Be who you're supposed to be!
I was fortunate to find a video where Britt talks about the story behind the song. She mentions how we wear masks around other people to make it seem like we have it all together when we really don't. We want to be the best teacher, the best parent, the best student, or the best employee we can; but because we're human, we inevitably fall short. In my case, I put pressure on myself in regard to my academic prowess and work ethic, constantly berating myself whenever I messed up and blowing even minor failures out of proportion. But the irony about that mindset is that you can never be satisfied with yourself since you can never exceed expectations of perfection.
But that's when You came in. Right when I needed You. Said all of the things that I was believing, not one of them were true.
Ever heard of Imposter Syndrome? It's how people can have a cabinet full of awards and still think they're worthless. Worthlessness will make you overlook every success and amplify every failure. You didn't really earn that award, you just got lucky. Anyone else could have done it twice as fast. There's no way you can pull it off again.
That very mindset played over and over again in my mind for several years. I was convinced that someone was going to rip the rug right out from under me and expose me as the fraud I knew I was. But God helped me see that Worthlessness was a lie.
You lifted my head up. I was keeping my head down. I didn't know Love. But I do now
I don't need good grades, lots of money, social status, or adoration from the masses for God to be proud of me. As His child, I have all the value I could ever want. And that's a massive weight off my shoulders. No longer am I chasing the horizon, desperately scraping and clawing for shreds of self-worth. I just need to remember that whenever the doubts pop back up.
Cause You stood right there. And then You broke apart the lies. You told me I had something beautiful inside.
You've probably heard this kind of metaphor used before. Whether it's the plain-looking geode having beautiful crystals at the core or an ordinary ball of rice having a plum hidden inside, our Father's world is full of examples of hidden beauty below the surface. Why do we love metaphors like this? Because every single day, the fallen world tries to convince us that we're not worthy. That there are hundreds of people out there that can do what you do twice as well and twice as fast. That it can do just as well with you as it can without you and nothing you do means anything. It's why so many people take their own lives every day. They're utterly convinced that they're just insignificant dust specks on the windshield of the universe. And I nearly joined them thrice.
You brought to life the part of me I thought had died. 'Cause You stood right there until I saw me...I saw me through Your eyes
Part of recognizing my own value came from a simple observation: If I really was worthless, then Jesus wouldn't have died for me.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
If the creator of the entire universe loved me enough to take human form and die on my behalf, then there's no way I don't have value. You wouldn't sacrifice your life for someone you didn't care about and neither would He. But I couldn't realize that until He guided me out of the labyrinth that was my own head. I saw myself as completely worthless, but He sees me as his precious child. A child that he would sacrifice everything to save again and again.
So this is living. This is free. Not keeping score, not anymore. Not since You rescued me.
As I said, all the time I wasted trying to chase after my self-worth is time that I can now spend resting in the shadow of His wings. No matter what anyone says, no matter how many people hate me, and no matter what hardships I experience, I can take comfort that I am loved and cherished until the day I die.
Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident. Psalm 27:3
After that, the chorus repeats again. And then, we come to the bridge of the song.
You love me even when I fall apart. I can't explain it, that's just who You are. Don't want perfection, You just want my heart.
So many times in the Bible, we see God providing for His people during the darkest and most bleak times of their lives. He was there for David when the future king was pursued by Saul and his enemies. He was there for the woman at the well who was despised by Jews and other Samaritans alike. He was there for Peter who denied him three times. He was there for Mary of Magdala, who was possessed by seven demons. And he was there for me when I was lost in Worthlessness. But Jesus knows how bad we are, and He loves us anyway. It's not our job to clean ourselves up. It's His.
Question of the Day: How do you see yourself? Do you ever struggle with self-worth or try to find it in the wrong places? What are some things you can do to break free of the lie of Worthlessness?