Don't "Man Up." Get Help.

WARNING: If I seem more aggressive in this blog post than I normally am, it's because I'm tackling an issue that's very personal to me and very problematic to anyone with a Y Chromosome. You have been warned.

We've all seen the stereotype of the MANLY MAN. The guy dressed up like a lumberjack with pelts on his walls, sucking down beef jerky like chewing gum, and having a lady on each arm. It is this standard that anyone who wants to qualify for the position of manhood needs to qualify for.

Imagine this scenario. A girl is running down the sidewalk when she falls and scrapes her knee, bursting into tears as blood trickles out of the wound. Hearing the commotion, her mother rushes to her aid, washes the wound clean, wraps it in a bandage and kisses it to heal it. The girl is reassured that everything will be okay and sent on her way.

But what about a boy? Well, here's where the problems begin.

To fit into the ideology of a MANLY MAN, a boy can never cry. Crying is considered the ultimate symbol of vulnerability and helplessness. And even in media when tears do flow from a man's eyes, a man is only allowed to cry for the sake of another person, never for himself. Both genders are generally reprimanded for crying, but men are outright ridiculed. A crying boy who scrapes his knee isn't offered comfort and restoration, he's told to "man up" and get over it. Those two words continue to hang over his head for the rest of his life as a permanent symbol for what he's not allowed to do.

Fail a test? Man up.

Get chewed out at work? Man up.

Got dumped by your girlfriend? Man up.

Lose custody of your kids? Man up.

Hit rock bottom? Man up.

Having suicidal thoughts and want to kill yourself. MAN UP!

A man is not allowed any outlet for overwhelming negative emotions. Getting angry and punching something makes him a threat. Shedding tears makes him weak. Retreating into himself makes him a liability at work. And seeking help from an outside source invalidates his manhood. How can he when a man is supposed to take care of everything himself? A man must be stoic and never overcome by emotion; but at the same time, he can never show weakness or vulnerability in any way.

But why? Why are men treated like this? Why are they pushed forward down such a self-destructive path? Is it just because the world is cold and cruel? Actually, it's far worse than that. It's more than just society not caring about men in general.

Men aren't just ignored, they're downright EXPENDABLE, because we're conditioning them to DIE!

Think about it. We constantly hear on the new about how terrorists are constantly killing "innocent women and children." Not "innocent men, women, and children" or even just "innocent people." The death of a woman is considered an unbearable tragedy. The death of a child is downright appalling and reserved for only the most evil of individuals.

But the death of a man? It's a statistic. Brushed aside as a casualty in the line of duty even if the man is a civilian and not a soldier. Because men don't qualify for the phrase, "Innocent women and children," the assumption becomes that men cannot be innocent, only guilty.

Even outside the battlefield, if both a man and a woman are trapped inside a burning building and there is only time enough to save one of them, the expectation upon both the rescuers and the man himself is that they should save the life of the woman over the man. Every. Single. Time.

Why? "Woman and children first." This phrase exists because children are said to control the future of mankind, and women control the birth and bearing of the children. So what value does the man have? Nothing but the twig and berries between his legs. How comforting.

This leads to several unfortunate implications for both genders.

A man is expected to always be willing to put his life on the line for a women, even one he's only known for about thirty seconds. If he places his own life higher than hers, he's a coward and not a real man. A man faced with domestic abuse, emotional or physical, is either actively disbelieved, ridiculed, or expected to take care of his problems himself. If he's being abused by a woman, then he's doomed both ways. If he takes action against her, he's a monster for opposing the fairer sex. If he doesn't, then he's a coward for letting her walk all over him and unworthy of manhood once again. A man who hates violence and doesn't fight is a coward once again. Even though fighting in general, doesn't solve anything.

Conversely, this kind of attitude creates problems for women as well. Women are lumped together on the same level as children of being weak, passive, innocent, lacking in agency, and completely ineffective. Female domestic abuse is played for humor because, "a weak and pathetic woman can't possibly inflict any legitimate physical harm on a big, strong man." Female criminals are given lesser sentences and prosecutions because, "a poor helpless woman can't survive the harsh life behind prison walls," or "she was simply driven to act that way by someone else." Because of the notion of male patriarchy, a woman never has to take responsibility for the misfortune in her life when she can just blame men for everything instead. And even nowadays with the Me Too movement, women are now considered to be so sensitive by the people pushing it that even looking at a woman in a way she doesn't like can give her PTSD from the horrific experience of "eye-rape." I wish I was making this up.

The result? A woman is seen as worthy of life, love, and basic decency simply for existing and not doing anything else. A man has to prove himself worthy of life, love, and basic decency before he even gets a chance to survive. Take notes, both suck.